Afraid to Die

hmmm, am i afraid to die? it funny (or maybe frightening) how many times i’ve rolled that question around in my head during my really low and lonely points. a part of me really does look forward to the eternal sleep aspect (naturally, considering how much of an escapist i am). i have definitely seriously considered dying and thought of ways to do it.though i can’t say that i’ve ever looked death right in the face, or even been close to someone who then died. i’ve also done lots of reckless/dangerous drugs, self-harmed, other ways of kind of dancing on the line of mortality. though i must say that human fragility DOES scare me. i’m terrified of getting into a car accident, having been in one once before. as a result i’m a VERY skittish passenger. i’m afraid of losing my parents in that way. i used to be way more afraid, choosing certain activities based on which had a lesser chance of killing my mom or i. i used to cry when my (now ex)boyfriend would leave, wondering if i would ever see him again…every single time he left. 

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