I think it’s only human to try to connect with others, but there will always be people like that woman you described – people who just don’t like you. Maybe it’s irrational, maybe it’s their personality, maybe it’s something from their past, maybe it’s actually about you specifically. You can’t fix people and you can’t make them like you. It’s kind of hard to accept, because it seems like you want to be liked by just about everybody. And that makes sense – why would anyone want to be disliked?
But what your wife said is true, too. We always assume that the problem is with the other person, and we don’t always look for the faults in ourselves. Maybe it’s both of you. Maybe there’s some unknown factor in both your personalities or pasts or whatever that means that you won’t get along. Anyway, nobody’s going to be liked by everybody, even the nicest person on Earth will have a few enemies, people that are jealous of him or people who are naturally mistrusting of nice people. And how many people do you know that do like you?
If the number of people that hate you gets to be larger than the number of people that like you or even love you, then you have something to worry about, because that’s when you wonder if you’re the one doing something wrong. But if it’s a minority that hate you, then I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re probably (relatively) normal, and they’re the crazy ones. 🙂