Why You Probably Suck at Sex

To answer that question, we first have to ask–what does it mean to be good at sex?

Is it the number of positions you know?  How long you can last?  How kinky or vanilla?  Dexterity of tongue?

I would argue that “good” has most to do with attentiveness.  That is, good lovers learn their partners’ needs, and place their partners’ needs above their own.  When both participants are doing this simultaneously, of course, the results can be extraordinary… but you see the problem.  If this is the definition, then no one person is “good at sex” by himself or herself.  That’s like saying that one person is good at being a couple or good at being a crowd.  Sex is (masturbation aside) a relational and intimate event, and is–shall we say–something of a group effort.

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