Your Parent’s Favorite Child

I was the unwanted and unexpected spawn of a marriage of convenience.  I have no real relationship with my biological dad.  One day he told my high school age son that he never thought of me as his child.  My son looked at him, amazed and asked, “How the hell do you deny a daughter who lived under your roof from the day she came home from the hospital?  She called you ‘dad’, didn’t she?”

The truth:  He got mad at my mother when she threatened to divorce him.  He cut off all support to me when I was 12.  In fact, he refused to speak to me for 3 years, and when he did it was to heap me with abuse – telling me that I must be a whore and a piece of sh!t.  I was allowed to live under his roof, nothing more.  The impending divorce was effectively made MY FAULT.  My mother worked to support me.  When I started college I worked 2 and 3 jobs, graduated with honors.  He didn’t attend my graduation.  My friends had fathers who were proud of them, who hugged them.  They were ‘daddy’s girls’, but I didn’t envy them.  I was too busy working and studying.

One of my sisters was given away in adoption.  She was the child of his first wife.  One was favored, over all.  She doesn’t speak to any of us.  We’ve scattered to the four corners. 

He hides in the Episcopal church.  His 4th wife urges him to spend time with the kids and I, but I don’t push it.  Too much guilt and hard feelings.  My relationship with my sons is loving and close.  I can’t imagine not having a close relationship with them because I loved them from the moment I discovered I was carrying them.  I can’t imagine blaming a 12 year old child for a failing marriage, and then denying them a place in the family.  What a horrible and abusive act to carry out on your own child…

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